What’s crackin’ guys? Hopefully not any hearts as we hurtle towards another fine Valentine’s Day. What’s that you say? Valentine’s Day is just a commercial holiday made up to sell useless junk in the name of an idealized human construct of social pressures and biochemical reactions we call “love?” Well that’s where you’re wrong! It was actually made up to mark the bloody execution of two innocent men named Valentine by the Roman Empire in the 3rd century A.D.  Take that, you cynic.

The first Valentine’s Day. So romantic!

But if you’ve ever felt the burning wrath of a mate who got you something thoughtful and sweet for Valentine’s, when you got them jack squat, you probably feel for those two executed guys. Hell hath no fury like a lover scorned on Valentine’s Day.

So make this Valentine’s Day different! This time, the perfect gift is waiting right here on this very website. We have Gift Sets of all shapes and sizes ready to be had at 40% Off their regular price. What? No. YES!

Gifts That Make You Better

Nothing against the usual Valentine’s fare. We’re not above cozying up to a stuffed bear or knocking back a fistful of See’s (especially those molasses sticks that lodge themselves in your molars. So good!). But if you want a gift that keeps on giving something more than tooth decay (or searing guilt when Cuddles the Bear looks at you from deep in the trash bin with his adorable accusing eyes) then head on over to our Gift Sets page.

The Morning After gift set. Ready to rehydrate you from head-to-toe after a draining night of courtship.

Wait, what are you still doing here? We said go to the Gift Sets page! Alright fine, so you need more convincing. Here’s what we mean by a gift that makes you better: every gift set has cutting-edge premium products powered our signature Botanical Boost. That means they have natural ingredients like Aloe Vera, Licorice Root, Green Tea and Arginine that help revive, repair and protect your skin and hair — all while you simply do what you’ve always done: clean yourself.

Who Says Guys Can’t Multitask?

Imagine: you take a shower, and while you wash your skin, you’re moisturizing it at the same time. Not getting out, drying off, and applying moisturizer. You get out and it’s already done! Boom. Bam. Bip!

Is your mind blown yet? Of course not. If you were that easy you’d be on the Gift Sets page already. How about this: what if you could wash your hair, and at the same time, apply natural ingredients that help thicken and strengthen it? That protect it from breakage and loss?

Still not enough? Well what if you could wash your face and at the same time calm inflammation, reduce redness, lighten blemishes, fight wrinkles and decrease eye puffiness? And what if it was all paraben-free, phthalate-free and cruelty-free? How about that? Still not enough? Man, what do you want from us??

A black hole. It can swallow
A black hole — an insatiable devourer of any and all things it encounters. AKA you and your expectations.

A Boost For Your Boost

How about if we throw in high-tech wellness tools that boost the beneficial effects of our products, like our Scalp Salvation Massager or our Eye & Facial Massager? How about that? And what if we also add Asian botanicals that you won’t find in other products, like Tsubaki Oil, Tanakura Clay and Swertia Japonica? And then we top it off with a Signature Dopp Travel Bag made of genuine leather so soft it can double as a pillow?

Yes, you can get all that stuff in one of our handy dandy Gift Sets. And all at a fraction of the price you’d normally pay! (3/5ths, if you want the exact fraction) So what are you waiting for? If you’re a woman buying for a man, it’s the perfect gift (it says “gift” right in the name! No coincidence). If you’re a man buying for a man, it’s the perfect gift. If you’re a man buying for yourself, it’s the perfect gift. Noticing a theme here? Here’s a hint: it starts with “perfect” and ends with “gift.”

Alright, we’ve made our case. You’ll have to take it from here. But hurry — the sale ends on Valentine’s Day. (That’s Thursday 2/14 for those of you still refusing to acknowledge this totally non-commercial 100% pure holiday) Now then. Get off our hilariously entertaining blog page and go live your life. And by that we mean, go visit our Gift Sets page. [heart emoji]